A glimpse of the painful past
by Frostycookies
Summary: A little one shot about what happened when they lost the Joui war. Disclaimer : I do not own the cover image or the anime.


Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama.

Author's notes: I've always wanted to write about the character that instantly captivated me with his unruly silver curls and dead pan expression. Gintoki has always intrigued me and I've felt like he's such an intricate character. Basically I love Gintoki and I felt like had to write an Angsty piece featuring the man.

Warning : Contains swearing.

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Right after the Joui War

"Man, what shitty weather" he commented as dark, grey skies started to accumulate above them. His companion who was lying some feet away just scoffed at him. The silvered haired man turned to him, and studied the man's equally as broken body. "You look like shit, Takasugi" he added and the man turned to him. At the sight of glazed over red eyes, Takasugi felt distaste at the back of his throat. He always hated that his friend could be so nonchalant about everything, including death. They had fucking lost the war, and everything they had worked for, yet Gintoki looked as apathetic as ever.

"Fuck you, asshole" Takasugi spurted with venom before spluttering out some blood. "You know, we're going to die, right?" he asked, turning to the sky once more.

"I don't mind" he said, and he glanced at the decaying bodies around them. Amanto warriors mixed with their own men surrounded them. That tell tale, ghastly scent of death buzzed around them. Blood coated the battlefield, and discarded katanas sprouted from the ground. Takasugi glanced at the curly haired man who had raised his dirtied hand to the sky.

"Shut up, Gintoki" Takasugi said, before sitting up. He winced as blood gushed out from the wound on his stomach. "Fucking son of a bitch" he hissed as he applied more pressure. Gintoki saw the first drop of rain fall to the Earth, and he watched as it landed on his forehead before slipping down his cheek. He didn't know what was happening around him, but a shiver ran up his spine as thunder rolled in the heavens. Suddenly a realization slapped him across the face. It was just like this when he had first met his Sensei. At the thought, his mind wandered to the long haired man who had changed his life. He thought about all the lessons the man taught him and the last promise they shared. However when his last precious thing disappeared from the world, an emptiness grew in Gintoki. No matter how much Amanto he sliced down, the hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach could not be filled. "Is this the right thing to do?" he thought to himself and a flash of his teacher's face entered his mind. He knew the answer but deep within himself, he didn't want that to be the right one. As he lay, surrounded by nothing but corpses and crows, Sakata Gintoki had an epiphany. "Oi, Gintoki, are you listening to me?!" Takasugi shouted as Gintoki stilled. What the hell was he doing, Gintoki asked himself as more raindrops fell from the sky. A large shout of his name brought him out of his revere, as he saw a worried Takasugi staring at him. "What the hell?" he asked, but Gintoki didn't answer him. Unlike Takasugi or even Katsura, his need for revenge had slowly dissipated when he was forced to take the life of the man he most admired.

"I'm fine" Gintoki said before getting up. He took up the katana that was in the ground and suddenly, the sword felt heavier than before. Well, he had taken more lives, he thought dryly as he wrapped his fingers around the hilt.

"Look, Katsura's coming" Takasugi said with relief in his voice but Gintoki glanced at him instead and studied the one eyed man. He had noticed the changes he went through since their Sensei's death. When they were in the battlefield, he would get this crazed look in his eye that even freaked Gintoki out. Insanity and hatred were slowly trapping Takasugi. However Gintoki was hardly the person to help him out. Gintoki had his own internal battle to face and demons to ward off. Gintoki looked at Katsura who looked as bad as they were, drenched in blood, grime and dirt. Exhaustion rolled over the long haired samurai in waves, but Gintoki could see how his facial features softened at the sight of them. As the rain washed away the dirt from his face, Gintoki looked at the sky. Somehow he started to feel lighter, and for a slight moment, he was free. Free from the shackles of the sins he had committed, the pain that had its clutches on him and the hurt that had been graved deep within his bones. He felt like he was being baptized right then and there. A smile graced his lips.

"You're truly a master, sensei" Gintoki whispered, ignoring his friend's shout. Maybe this is what Sakamoto felt when he left us, Gintoki thought as he dropped the katana in his hand. He swore he felt a hand on his head, and soon enough, tears mixed with the rain. Takasugi and Katsura watched as Gintoki turned his back on them.

"Gintoki!" Takasugi shouted as the silver haired man slowly trotted through the bodies strewn about. "Oi, Gintoki!" he screamed and Katsura had to hold him up as he began to lose consciousness. Gintoki had only heard that voice from Takasugi when he was forced to take their sensei's life. He clenched his jaw and willed himself not to look back. "This isn't funny, baka" Takasugi whispered as they watched him walk off. Katsura, who had been frozen, clutched onto Takasugi. On that rainy day, as Gintoki walked out on his friends, he had never been the same. No matter how much the rain soaked him, it could never wash away his sins.


End file.
